On a walk I took a few weeks ago something happened that has stayed on my mind.
Let me start with the day before the event. It started out like a pretty average day. Doing my usual routine for a Sunday. I had this nagging feeling that something was missing though. Went to church. Prayed. Kept busy. I finally identified it as a feeling that I wanted to be with somebody. Even before my accident I had been accustomed to living alone so this feeling was a bit unusual. I thought of going over to some friends house or one of my kids and just hanging out. But for everyone I thought of I knew that wasn't the person I wanted to be with at the moment. By the end of the day I was feeling fairly miserable and frustrated. Then I realized God was missing! I knew in my head he wasn't but I could feel my isolation. I also knew it was just a feeling and it would pass and the promises of God never fail. But it was a real and unpleasant experience. I actually felt somewhat better when I realized what the feeling was and went to bed expecting everything to be back to normal the next day.
The next day I felt somewhat better and started on my morning walk. This has been a very consistent time to hear from God. I wasn't hearing much but I could tell he was with me. It's like the professor walks into the lecture room and says nothing. So I walked and waited. It was very cold that morning and I was bundled up well and felt comfortable.
My mind was off somewhere looking at the huge trees in the area when a small boy suddenly runs past. He was at a dead RUN. Flat out. Then I noticed he was dressed kind of strangely. Even though it was cold he only had a thin t-shirt and knit pants. He did have shoes on. I thought, 'that's a weird running outfit'. But you never know what kids will wear these days. I would guess he was about six years old. Kind of young to be out for a training run.
He keeps up his pace for another block and turns the corner. About a half block past the corner he stops and yells something. OK. He's chasing his dog or something.
In the back of my head something felt wrong. I immediately thought 'Hope nothings wrong', whistling past the grave yard.
He turned and was walking back to me. As I got closer to him I could see the look of absolute terror on his face. He said very chokingly, "My dad drove off and left me alone at home. I think he was mad at me". It was the sheer terror of abandonment. He was chasing his dad's car down the street.
I managed to say something trying to comfort him. We walked back toward his house and planned on calling his dad's cell phone.
I had heard of this trick a few days before. The pastor at my church related on how her father would drive off and go around the block if the kids took too long getting ready.
Sure enough, his father was back at the house. He thanked me and we talked about how frantic the holidays get.
I knew there were several things God was saying to me in this.
The first was that He NEVER adandons us.
The second was a glimpse into some of the pain and destruction I was responsible for in my life. I went through a messy divorce where I basically emotionally adandoned my four children. I knew God was showing me the pain that was in their hearts when they realized I was gone. I didn't have the guts to see it then so God was showing me now. It was awful. But I could also feel God's love and kindness in showing me this.
The third is that Jesus experienced this pain first hand. That separation may be what ultimately killed him. Not the nails, beatings, thorns or spear.
Fourth: We are all carrying around in us that terrified child. We've learned to hide it really well as we 'grow up'. We learned all kinds of elaborate defenses to conceal that we're really just a scared little kid. We experienced the pain of rejection, abandonment, helplessness, inferiority, in our families, schools, friends, and work.
And we've all been on the victimizers side as well. This is one of the defenses. Somehow we feel better about being rejected if we can reject someone. We choose not to associate with the 'uncool' kids at school. We don't want to be seen with the kids who dress in funky clothes. We don't want to be friends with the kid who can't speak right.
All our defenses are counter productive in the long run. They seal off the vulnerable child. We pretend to be self-sufficient adults. We shut ourselves off from the love of God. I mean 'What if He rejects me'? Everything in my life experience shows me that when you're vulnerable to WILL get hurt. In my heart I know He SHOULD reject me. So why should I want to open myself up to that risk?
It is a risk.
You won't know until you ask.
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Saturday, November 13, 2010
Which way
We can do this the easy way or the hard way.
Seems like in every criminal drama there comes a point where the police use that line to confront a reluctant suspect or witness. The implication is that the suspect has a choice to make. Either he can cooperate (the easy way) or not (the hard way). The police are trying to convince the suspect that it's in their best interest to 'do it' the easy way.
I have seen recently that God uses this same approach sometimes. We can either choose obedience (the easy way) or not (the hard way). It's really in our best interest to choose the easy way.
The trouble is the easy way sometimes looks anything but easy. But obedience is always the easy way considering the alternative. God is not out to smash us when we disobey. It's just how the world works that we're going to get hurt when we disobey God. So the 'easy' way really is hard. It takes effort.
Jesus said his yoke is easy and burden is light. There is still a yoke and a burden to deal with. It's not a free ride. But it's light and easy compared to the alternative. And there is a promise of rest. There is no rest in the alternative. Read Matthew 11 for the whole story.
The way of obedience is not easy by any means except when you consider the alternative.
So I believe God's advice is to make it easy on yourself.
Seems like in every criminal drama there comes a point where the police use that line to confront a reluctant suspect or witness. The implication is that the suspect has a choice to make. Either he can cooperate (the easy way) or not (the hard way). The police are trying to convince the suspect that it's in their best interest to 'do it' the easy way.
I have seen recently that God uses this same approach sometimes. We can either choose obedience (the easy way) or not (the hard way). It's really in our best interest to choose the easy way.
The trouble is the easy way sometimes looks anything but easy. But obedience is always the easy way considering the alternative. God is not out to smash us when we disobey. It's just how the world works that we're going to get hurt when we disobey God. So the 'easy' way really is hard. It takes effort.
Jesus said his yoke is easy and burden is light. There is still a yoke and a burden to deal with. It's not a free ride. But it's light and easy compared to the alternative. And there is a promise of rest. There is no rest in the alternative. Read Matthew 11 for the whole story.
The way of obedience is not easy by any means except when you consider the alternative.
So I believe God's advice is to make it easy on yourself.
Monday, November 1, 2010
Change
Good, Better and Perfect
Here in America it's November 1 and election day is tomorrow. There have been many millions of dollars spent on messages in all the media promising change. This has been a standard theme in elections over the past 20 years. But things don't seem to have changed much. The things that have changed significantly (the economy for one) have not been for the better.
God made the heavens and earth and said they were good.
Man rebelled against God and acquired the knowledge of good and evil. Since then man has been trying unsuccessfully to improve things. Does the 'good' world God made need improving? ?does the word 'good' imply less than perfect? Maybe.
If so it's obvious most things man has done have not improved things. The only way to improve things is in partnership with God. Republicans can't improve things, Democratics can't improve things, capitalists can't, communists can't, scientists can't, artists can't, teachers can't, police can't, government can't, religion can't. Unless they are in partnership with God.
I have a compulsion to improve things. If I don't think I can improve something, it bores me. I think to some extent this is a universal trait for Humans. (is this the only creature named by God?).
Man in general is 'gifted' with this creative impulse. He writes novels, makes beautiful paintings, sculpture, music. Invents countless things - cell phones, vaccines, automobiles. I think in this trait we resemble our father. This gift is not limited to believers or followers. It is in 'common' grace that all humans have.
This creative compulsion was distorted and mis-directed when our communion with God was broken. Man has also invented weapons to kill each other by the millions, political, religious, and economic institutions to oppress and enslave each other. The unfallen man 'Adam' could have used his creativity in fellowship with God to glorify Him. The creativity of man outside of the fellowship of God can and does produce beauty but also produces evil (see holocost, economic and political oppression, ... the list is endless).
So what is the solution to this problem? Humanity apparently doesn't have the answer. The answer has to come from something beyond man.
Through the sacrifice of Jesus the partnership between man and God can be restored. It's not instantaneous but a slow and difficult process that only His grace can sustain us through. This grace combined with our puny effort will bring about positive change. Jesus didn't come to establish a new social or political or economic system. His appearance in time on earth, his death and his resurrection are the means to restoring a relationship with the Father man was intended to have.
God is growing followers toward perfection through Jesus. The knowledge of good and evil will be part of that. It can't be undone. God will use it in his plan.
My prayer today is that believers will exercise their privilege to vote. And more importantly how they can exercise their faith in partnership with God.
Here in America it's November 1 and election day is tomorrow. There have been many millions of dollars spent on messages in all the media promising change. This has been a standard theme in elections over the past 20 years. But things don't seem to have changed much. The things that have changed significantly (the economy for one) have not been for the better.
God made the heavens and earth and said they were good.
Man rebelled against God and acquired the knowledge of good and evil. Since then man has been trying unsuccessfully to improve things. Does the 'good' world God made need improving? ?does the word 'good' imply less than perfect? Maybe.
If so it's obvious most things man has done have not improved things. The only way to improve things is in partnership with God. Republicans can't improve things, Democratics can't improve things, capitalists can't, communists can't, scientists can't, artists can't, teachers can't, police can't, government can't, religion can't. Unless they are in partnership with God.
I have a compulsion to improve things. If I don't think I can improve something, it bores me. I think to some extent this is a universal trait for Humans. (is this the only creature named by God?).
Man in general is 'gifted' with this creative impulse. He writes novels, makes beautiful paintings, sculpture, music. Invents countless things - cell phones, vaccines, automobiles. I think in this trait we resemble our father. This gift is not limited to believers or followers. It is in 'common' grace that all humans have.
This creative compulsion was distorted and mis-directed when our communion with God was broken. Man has also invented weapons to kill each other by the millions, political, religious, and economic institutions to oppress and enslave each other. The unfallen man 'Adam' could have used his creativity in fellowship with God to glorify Him. The creativity of man outside of the fellowship of God can and does produce beauty but also produces evil (see holocost, economic and political oppression, ... the list is endless).
So what is the solution to this problem? Humanity apparently doesn't have the answer. The answer has to come from something beyond man.
Through the sacrifice of Jesus the partnership between man and God can be restored. It's not instantaneous but a slow and difficult process that only His grace can sustain us through. This grace combined with our puny effort will bring about positive change. Jesus didn't come to establish a new social or political or economic system. His appearance in time on earth, his death and his resurrection are the means to restoring a relationship with the Father man was intended to have.
God is growing followers toward perfection through Jesus. The knowledge of good and evil will be part of that. It can't be undone. God will use it in his plan.
My prayer today is that believers will exercise their privilege to vote. And more importantly how they can exercise their faith in partnership with God.
Friday, October 8, 2010
Two sheep walk into a bar - no into a pasture, that's it
Two sheep in a pasture
Sheep1 is somewhat older, experienced some would say. Sheep2 is young and energetic.
Their shepherd is called two legs. Sheep1 is giving Sheep2 a brief orientation since he's new to the flock.
Sheep1: I think you'll like it here. 2Legs seems to be a good sort.
Sheep2: What makes you think so? I've heard of some of these two legs that are completely worthless.
Sheep1: Well I'd stick close to him if you know what's good for you. I know some of these two legs don't deserve our company but this one does.
Sheep2: In the flock I came from across the valley there was a two leg who ran away every time a wolf came 'round. Can't say that I blame him. We're all running 'round in circles when one comes by and I have no idea what that accomplishes but no one can think of anything better.
Sheep1: Well this two leg carries a big stick but it's not made of wood. He calls it rod. Why anyone would name a stick 'rod' is beyond me. I don't say I understand these two legs but I know a good one when I see one.
Sheep2: So what's the stick for?
Sheep1: Oh, my mind wanders some. Almost forgot what we were talking about.
A while back a wolf came round. Of course we all start running in circles hoping the wolf will attack someone else.
Just then the two leg does the strangest thing! He runs up to the wolf who's about to pounce on young Sally, and whacks the wolf up the side of the head with the stick.
There was a loud crack that sounded like someone stepped on a walnut and the wolf fell on the ground. Then the two leg hits him again across the back. The wolf never moved again.
Sheep2: Is this two leg crazy or something? Seems like the best thing to do is run when a wolf comes. I think there should be something better than running in circles but running seems like the best policy to me.
Sheep1: I can't say I understand it either but I'm glad he does that. And that's not all. A while back when I was about your age I had eaten some strange grass that didn't agree with me at all. Terrible gas!! I thought I was going to explode!! Nobody wanted to be near me. Can't say that I blame them. I could hardly stand myself.
Sheep2: I had that once. It was awful!!
Sheep1: Well I saw some good grass on the other side of the ravine that I knew would settle my stomach. I was in such pain!! The good grass didn't look very far off and I could even smell it!! It smelled SO GOOD!! I decided I could get across the ravine, eat enough good grass to settle my stomach and be back before anyone noticed.
The flock had always crossed the ravine further down, and it seemed easy enough, so I thought I'd be able to go across here just fine.
Well the ravine is much different up here. It was very confusing and steep. I slipped off the side and tumbled down into some bushes and was completely tangled up. This hair we've got it great stuff for keeping you warm but it's murder to get tangled up in bushes!!
Sheep2: I've seen that. Once I saw a poor chap who died in the bushes and birds ate him!! Gives me the shivers just to think of it!
Sheep1: Well I was facing that very same fate or worse because I could hear wolves howling in the distance. I couldn't help but crying out for help even though I knew the wolves could hear me too. I didn't know what I was thinking because I knew the rest of the flock couldn't help me and the two leg, if he had any sense, would take the rest to safety.
Sheep2: Would it do any good to run in circles?
Sheep1: I was caught in the bush!! I couldn't run in circles!!
Sheep2: Oh, right, sorry. Please go on.
Sheep1: So there I was trapped in the ravine. Wolves coming. No one to help!!!
Sheep2: You're a gone'r. Wait you're here so you must have got out!
Sheep1: Brilliant!! Yes, I got out. The two leg left all the others in the pasture and came looking for me.
Sheep2: WHAT!! That's just stupid! Why would he do that? What makes you so special?
Sheep1: I have no idea. But he did - and that's why I'm here telling you this. Stay close by the two leg!
Sheep2: Does he ever hit us with the stick?
Sheep1: No. I thought he might when he found me but he picked me up and carried me back to the flock. I was totally embarrassed but glad to be alive.
Sheep2: Once you got back did he treat you any differently. Did he tie you up or put you in a pen. I was in a pen once. It was awful!!!
Sheep1: No. I got to run freely with the rest of the flock. I've never seen him put anyone in a pen.
Sheep2: He is a strange one! But I think you're right, I might like it here.
Sheep1 is somewhat older, experienced some would say. Sheep2 is young and energetic.
Their shepherd is called two legs. Sheep1 is giving Sheep2 a brief orientation since he's new to the flock.
Sheep1: I think you'll like it here. 2Legs seems to be a good sort.
Sheep2: What makes you think so? I've heard of some of these two legs that are completely worthless.
Sheep1: Well I'd stick close to him if you know what's good for you. I know some of these two legs don't deserve our company but this one does.
Sheep2: In the flock I came from across the valley there was a two leg who ran away every time a wolf came 'round. Can't say that I blame him. We're all running 'round in circles when one comes by and I have no idea what that accomplishes but no one can think of anything better.
Sheep1: Well this two leg carries a big stick but it's not made of wood. He calls it rod. Why anyone would name a stick 'rod' is beyond me. I don't say I understand these two legs but I know a good one when I see one.
Sheep2: So what's the stick for?
Sheep1: Oh, my mind wanders some. Almost forgot what we were talking about.
A while back a wolf came round. Of course we all start running in circles hoping the wolf will attack someone else.
Just then the two leg does the strangest thing! He runs up to the wolf who's about to pounce on young Sally, and whacks the wolf up the side of the head with the stick.
There was a loud crack that sounded like someone stepped on a walnut and the wolf fell on the ground. Then the two leg hits him again across the back. The wolf never moved again.
Sheep2: Is this two leg crazy or something? Seems like the best thing to do is run when a wolf comes. I think there should be something better than running in circles but running seems like the best policy to me.
Sheep1: I can't say I understand it either but I'm glad he does that. And that's not all. A while back when I was about your age I had eaten some strange grass that didn't agree with me at all. Terrible gas!! I thought I was going to explode!! Nobody wanted to be near me. Can't say that I blame them. I could hardly stand myself.
Sheep2: I had that once. It was awful!!
Sheep1: Well I saw some good grass on the other side of the ravine that I knew would settle my stomach. I was in such pain!! The good grass didn't look very far off and I could even smell it!! It smelled SO GOOD!! I decided I could get across the ravine, eat enough good grass to settle my stomach and be back before anyone noticed.
The flock had always crossed the ravine further down, and it seemed easy enough, so I thought I'd be able to go across here just fine.
Well the ravine is much different up here. It was very confusing and steep. I slipped off the side and tumbled down into some bushes and was completely tangled up. This hair we've got it great stuff for keeping you warm but it's murder to get tangled up in bushes!!
Sheep2: I've seen that. Once I saw a poor chap who died in the bushes and birds ate him!! Gives me the shivers just to think of it!
Sheep1: Well I was facing that very same fate or worse because I could hear wolves howling in the distance. I couldn't help but crying out for help even though I knew the wolves could hear me too. I didn't know what I was thinking because I knew the rest of the flock couldn't help me and the two leg, if he had any sense, would take the rest to safety.
Sheep2: Would it do any good to run in circles?
Sheep1: I was caught in the bush!! I couldn't run in circles!!
Sheep2: Oh, right, sorry. Please go on.
Sheep1: So there I was trapped in the ravine. Wolves coming. No one to help!!!
Sheep2: You're a gone'r. Wait you're here so you must have got out!
Sheep1: Brilliant!! Yes, I got out. The two leg left all the others in the pasture and came looking for me.
Sheep2: WHAT!! That's just stupid! Why would he do that? What makes you so special?
Sheep1: I have no idea. But he did - and that's why I'm here telling you this. Stay close by the two leg!
Sheep2: Does he ever hit us with the stick?
Sheep1: No. I thought he might when he found me but he picked me up and carried me back to the flock. I was totally embarrassed but glad to be alive.
Sheep2: Once you got back did he treat you any differently. Did he tie you up or put you in a pen. I was in a pen once. It was awful!!!
Sheep1: No. I got to run freely with the rest of the flock. I've never seen him put anyone in a pen.
Sheep2: He is a strange one! But I think you're right, I might like it here.
Thursday, October 7, 2010
Easy Life
The Easy Life.
I often find myself thinking how hard I have it.
Somehow in the back of my mind I hear 'Jesus must have had it really easy being the son of god'.
The more I think about that, the more wrong it seems.
Jesus didn't have an easy life. In fact Jesus physical life was anything but easy and remarkably typical. Given the total of humanity that has ever lived his life was very typical. It's easy to forget that from the insulated comfort of our western 'modern' lives.
Even today most of humanity doesn't have central heat, clean water, electricity, public schools, honest public safety, safe food or 'modern' medical care we take for granted. Jesus certainly had none if these things.
He spent 30 years experiencing the difficult parts of being human. Waking up sore and tired. Being thirsty, hungry, oppressed, humiliated. This was all before the crucifixion. This was all before he even started his ministry. I think he knew very well how difficult it is being a human. I think he may have even been sick, injured on the job or other mundane things we imagine he must have been exempt from.
I imagine before his ministry started his hands were already scared and dirty and strong from working with Joseph as a carpenter.
So when I'm tempted to think he was without sin because he had an easy life, I know better. He had a typically miserable human life. But that life qualified him and taught him how to communicate the kingdom of his father. The ideas he brought to humanity have challenged the brightest minds humanity can muster for the last 2000 years.
These ideas came from a semi-literate, manual laborer, who never wrote a book, never commanded an army, never held political office.
I often find myself thinking how hard I have it.
Somehow in the back of my mind I hear 'Jesus must have had it really easy being the son of god'.
The more I think about that, the more wrong it seems.
Jesus didn't have an easy life. In fact Jesus physical life was anything but easy and remarkably typical. Given the total of humanity that has ever lived his life was very typical. It's easy to forget that from the insulated comfort of our western 'modern' lives.
Even today most of humanity doesn't have central heat, clean water, electricity, public schools, honest public safety, safe food or 'modern' medical care we take for granted. Jesus certainly had none if these things.
He spent 30 years experiencing the difficult parts of being human. Waking up sore and tired. Being thirsty, hungry, oppressed, humiliated. This was all before the crucifixion. This was all before he even started his ministry. I think he knew very well how difficult it is being a human. I think he may have even been sick, injured on the job or other mundane things we imagine he must have been exempt from.
I imagine before his ministry started his hands were already scared and dirty and strong from working with Joseph as a carpenter.
So when I'm tempted to think he was without sin because he had an easy life, I know better. He had a typically miserable human life. But that life qualified him and taught him how to communicate the kingdom of his father. The ideas he brought to humanity have challenged the brightest minds humanity can muster for the last 2000 years.
These ideas came from a semi-literate, manual laborer, who never wrote a book, never commanded an army, never held political office.
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Saturday, February 13, 2010
Being domestic today.
After working out at the YMCA (1 hour treadmill, weight circuit, swimming, jacuzzi), I baked another loaf of bread.
Here's the recipe.
Here's a pic.
Also started another massive pot of chili in the crock pot. I made the recipe on this up. Someday I'll post it. It's pretty traditional except it has a pound of hot Italian sausage in addition to the ground beef.
After working out at the YMCA (1 hour treadmill, weight circuit, swimming, jacuzzi), I baked another loaf of bread.
Here's the recipe.
Here's a pic.
Too bad we don't have smell-o-vision on the internet.
Notice wine glass in the margin. Must keep the chef happy.
Notice wine glass in the margin. Must keep the chef happy.
Also started another massive pot of chili in the crock pot. I made the recipe on this up. Someday I'll post it. It's pretty traditional except it has a pound of hot Italian sausage in addition to the ground beef.
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